If This is Life

I stand in the middle of an enormous bedroom. The ridiculously sized bed extends from one clinically clean wall to another; providing space and freedom worthy of an emperor. The bedsheets are neat and there is not a wrinkle to be seen, and the pillows are arranged into a thoughtful constellation.

It is not me who makes the bed every morning. I have merely finished washing and grooming myself: a daily necessity that takes an increasingly huge proportion of my day. Each morning, I wake up in a layer of dirt and filth that needs to be washed away before I can face the mirror.

Even now, my body that has been soaped from inside out, and dressed in clean, fresh, washed clothes, it reeks like a rotting corpse. This filth comes from the inside.

The years accumulated, and it came to the point where I no longer wanted to present myself to the world. I have seen it coming for years, and I have felt it in my bones ever since I was born. This house – this island, in middle of nowhere – has become a place for me to perish in peace.

I open the curtains, the last layer between me and everything else, and the unbearable lightness of the outside world forces itself upon me. Outside the window spreads the eternity of this northern ocean, its endless waves, and its myriad of seagulls. They alone, as a thousand-headed, screaming nature’s jury, witness my punishment.

I lean against the glass, press my cheek against its soothing coldness. The wind blows, but the transparent layer between us sends it away, leaving me with nothing but its lifeless whisper. The raindrops hit the window with passion, but they can never reach me. Nothing reaches me anymore. This is my life.

This is an edited excerpt from a longer story I’ve been writing for ages. The narrator is my main character, who is, as you can clearly see, troubled from within. The setting of most of the story is an island on which this little piece takes place. Although I admit this is a dark and dramatic scene, this will be, in the end, a story with a very refreshing and optimistic message! 

~AH

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